Horrible nite

Now its 5am..
I'm awaken by my bladder n "the need to chk urine volume" to see is the tube flowing smoothly.

last nite I chk my urine bag.
It seems to stop increasing.
I suspect tube got stuck..

I'm getting super paranoid over the blockage thing.
I'm super irritated with it too!
I try to clear again!

I keep pumping n its hard cos halfway, there'll be air/vacumn inside the syringe.
I'm afraid pumping vacumn/air into bladder!

Then I saw some diluted blood stream from bladder!
I'm shock n scared!
I'm scared tat I pump too hard n squeeze out blood from bladder!

Cried cos worried!
Mood terribly bad cos I blame myself why I need to go thru these torture!
Why me! Why can't the urine jus flow properly! Why add on 1 more problem for me! N almost everyday stuck!

After dear change dressing for me, I realise I got abit of rashes at the area where I tape the dressing. The rashes is very painful!
Ahhhhh!!!! Already pain! Now 1 more area of pain!
"Let me die la!"
Can't control my horrible low mood!

Now the blood no more liao..
Urine colour back to normal.
I hope I didn't hurt my bladder n hinder the recovery.
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld from M1.