Duno why, this 2nd rd chemo effect seems longer.
today still feel heavy hearted, chest burning sensation, lethargic, no appetite, sleepy, moody, no strength to talk. Can't swallow water too. Like throat got something blocking.. Keep feeling nauseus..
No constipate though..
Neck n chest feels "blue-black' kinda pain when pressed lightly.
Yesterday suppose to try self urine, but before I even try, overflows again..
Wats new rite.. Super demoralised.
So feel like giving up everything!
Give up trying, give up living..
Cried in toilet feeling super helpless.
Hate why I need to live like tat..
(Chemo always cause my mood to b super low n dun feel like living anymore.. I keep telling dear I wana die.. Wish I can die, so gd can die n not suffer etc..)
I need to drink sufficient water so I can fill up bladder, so can try to self urine. The nauseus feeling n no appetite n heavy hearted feel, makes me unable to drink..
How to try urine like tat..
Also need to go toilet every 1-2hrs to try.. But chemo makes me tired, I keep sleeping.
No appetite to eat meals, but when lie down on bed, feels hungry..
When mum in law cook, the hse is filled with food smell.. Makes me nauseus too..
I hate to eat medicine!
Pls pls pls!!
I really wana stop all the torture!
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld from M1.
1 comment:
Hey Jomei,
Dont give in to those negative thoughts! These will pass soon, remember you will be able to recover and go back to normal life like before by December? Another 2 months to go, press on! You have been strong and come so far...
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