30/10/10

Had diarrhoea last nite.
Its due to radio side effect.
Body still sudden hot n cold.

Stil got chemo effect.
Weak n moody.

Really hates chemo side effect.
Am back to a "useless" person, where I jus sleep n sleep.
Duno how to overcome the wkly chemo.
Sob sob..

Though tired n weak, jus now manage to iron some clothes, clean n mop the room.
Am tired but I jus wan rm to be clean la..
Maybe also gd to sweat it out..

Duno how to tahan the remaining 5 wks of chemo-radio.

So unhappy now.
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld from M1.

28/10/10 - 4th day radio

Wake up 11am, took lunch, then became tired again.
Lie on bed then went shower.
Am very tired.
No mood n lesser appetite.

Came back home, sleep again.
My operation wound stitches suddenly become tight tight.
Duno is it due to radio.

Radio mite make my skin dry.
So jus now went to buy dove.
Hope can moisture my skin.
Still feel sudden hot sudden cold.

Feel weaker when walk outside.
I dun like chemo!

27/10/10 - 3rd day radio

today feel very tired..
wake up at 11am..
took lunch n feel real tired..

ZP bought me a power wrist band..
suppose to balance my energy..
been wearing it yesterday..
duno does it affect my tiredness..

after radio, immediately came home sleep..
on fan..
suddenly will feel cold..
when cover blanket, will suddenly feel hot..
so i keep flipping my blanket..
duno is it due to radio side effect..

also feel abit moody, no strength, also abit nauseus..
duno is it chemo effect..

aiyo so many duno wat effect..
manage to pass some motion today..

26/10/10 - 2nd day radio.. shopping at Marina Bay Sand

today radio very fast.. everything took less than 20mins..

then tell dear i feel like walk walk..
so we went MBS..
i've never been there...

the shops only 40% open..
then i went into fendi jus wana see see...
BUT BUT BuT!!!!

bought Fendi shoe!!!
$805... aiyo!!!
but i like it la..
dear also say nice..
cos its mildly heeled..
i can wear to work.. more formal than super flat ballerina shoe
no need wear super high heels la....
haaaa..

------------------------------------------

super super constipate again..
been few days liao..
stone like shit stuck again..
very xing ku..
cos stomach full of shit cannot clear..
sob..

radio mite make me diarrhea..
hopefully come soon la..

25/10/10 - 1st day radio theraphy... celebrate 大姑 birthday

today morning went mild chemo at Gleneagles..
dosage is 30-50% of my full chemo..
this has to be done every mon for 6 wks..
concurrently with my daily radiotherapy at Gleneagles too..
its call Chemo-radiotherapy
sob :(
dun like chemo..
cos i mite still experience constipation n no appetite n moody..
hope not...

in afternoon, i did 1st time radio..
radio procedure is fast n simple..
just lie down n dun move n wait for the machine to rotate..
the "blasting" of radio frequency is just split second..
i dun see any laser or electric or anything..
cant see anything..
maybe got very little bit of warmness at stomach/pelvix area..

this is how the radio machine looks like..

however, the preparation for radio take quite some time..
need to clamp the mold onto my stomach so tat i wont move ard etc..
total spent ard 40min..
the radio only takes 15mins..

anyway the cost for 28wks of radio is $15k..
i also need to pay for wkly chemo which is abt $1100/session..
for 5-6wks.. abt $6600..

so my total hospital + all chemo + radio = $53,000!!!!!
still got pre n post hospital misc things.. also rounds up to be few thousand ba..
lucky Pru pay all... phew..

one concern is whether the follow up chk ups in future is it expensive..
cos future normal reviews is not reimbursable..

-my surgeon: doc Koh Cheng Huat  review shd be ard $60-$100++/time..
need to see him every 3 mths i think.. cos every 3 mths need to do papsmear..

-Chemo doc, doc See Hui Ti
only $60/time..

-Radio doc, doc Yang Tuck Loong..
he's at Gleneagles medical oncology centre.
think his review also cost $100/time..

i think its quite ok la..
cos mine is private ma..
i also dun need medication after all treatment..
so wont have to worry abt medicine cost..

--------------------------------------------

after radio i went back ah ma hse rest..
cos meeting 大姑,二姑,小姑 for dinner..
dear, 姑丈, xinning, shuning, kaixi n bro also join in..
we are celebrating 大姑's birthday..
haha...
大姑 n bro..

this is the start of the meal..

its at a jap restaurant at basement of Jurong Pt..
its buffet style.. its not bad la..
got big big crab claws, mussels, scallop n many jap food..
jus dun have oyster...
i didnt eat all these..
its $42++/pax..

二姑 n us..

i took cook food..
paper soup, abit sushi..
but 姑姑 say better dun eat sushi cos scared the chef hand not clean when wrap sushi..
im still super full cos ate some dessert, chicken etc..
can still eat alot stuff la..
enjoyed ourselves cos its a good gathering..
esp dear join in..

also played games with kaixi..
its standing up and physically gesture scissors, paper, stone.
abit tired la..
as if the whole restuarant is ours..
but fun la..haha..
love all my 姑姑s...

decent bye bye pic..

 funny poses!

we all were super full!

24/10/10 - Life's almost back to normal

Life's like normal now..
just tat i haven start to drive..
haven fully start working..
just service clients thru phone..
once in awhile meet client..
no vigourous sports like swimmin, jogging..

yesterday i spring clean my room...
clear alot of things...
unpack my hospital bag..
clear messy thing on table..
everything keep in drawer properly..

dust and wipe room tables..
clean n mop floor..
maybe due to dust, keep running nose..
use alcohol swabes to wipe controllers, switches n areas tat hand always touch..
but feel very satisfied tat room is clean again..

nite time went MJ with my kakis..
keep sneezing n running nose..
end up lose $.. but im happy..
cos can catch up..

now im back sleeping in own room..
use laptop in own room..
spend most time in room again..

tmr am gona start my mild chemo + everyday radiotheraphy..
for 6 wks.. then treatment fully finish..

duno why.. i can feel that my 心境 is different now..
dun really laugh heartedly..
like something keep bothering me..
n i cant free myself from it..

19/10/10 - went zoo with gu gu n kaixi

today went to the zoo with 3 gu gus..
cos xiao gu is back from US with kaixi..
so brought kaixi to zoo..

i follow too...
its a good weather..
no sunny sun..

me, 2 gu, xiao gu, da gu n cassie..

we spent most of the time at the kids pool..
where kaixi n da gu play with water..
the rest of us sit down relax..

the water is splashed from the elephant..
some kids will stand below jus to wait for the water to come splashing..

we sat on horse carriage...
not fun one..

dun spend $ on it ah..

there's also animal show....

its very simple...

hmmm the zoo really quite small ah..

zoo is not interesting..

but im happy to spend time with my beloved gu gu n cassie..

15/10/10 - miss ah ma n boon lay hse. 2 mths after ops

today is exactly 2 mths after my ops..
ops is on 15/8...
finally survive 2 mths of torture..
----------------------------------

am back to hougang yesterday nite..

duno why...
alot things in my mind..
------------------------------------

i miss ah ma n boon lay hse..
haven been in happy mood when back hougang..
(not tat im sad.. but jus cant make my mood to be truely happy)
time pass real fast at boon lay..
duno why...

i like boon lay airy airy living room..
like the kitchen view n breeze..
like 2 gu's bed..
her bed is the expensive kind..
sleep liao, body wont feel hot one...
amazing rite..

i like things super clean n neat n smells nice at BL..
miss ah ma's food...
(MIL food also nice la.. jus tat too long didnt eat ah ma's food)
miss ah ma's care for me..
like BL hse got clothes dryer
(im so gona buy clothes dryer when i shift to my own new hse..)
clothes all smell so nice! LOVE!
miss accompany ah ma..
translate shows for her..
miss 2 gu...

is really nice to be back 娘家..
my mind is so free, no need think of anything..
no need worry pack n cleaning up etc..
everything's just the way i like it to be..

back hg, room messy.. alot things need to pack..
also haven unpack hospital bag..
alot things to pack pack pack..
n many more others la..
mind suddenly not "free of worries"
sian sian sian...
---------------------------

anyway am gona start my radiotheraphy on 25/10, every mon-fri, for 6 wks..
n every mon gona do mild chemo..
i really dun like chemo cos it'll affect my mood n appetite..
i hope mild one will not affect my mood.

but the ultimate worst time is already over..
when need to do full chemo + got urine tube..
tats the worst ever..
"wana die thots" is constantly in my mind tat time..
-----------------------------------------

some worries over my future new house issue...
(No No... i haven buy hse... haven even view anything yet..)
just some thots..
some things tat i worry mite happen in future n i'll be unhappy abt it..
but i cant do anything abt it...

13/10/2010 - must seek 2nd advice

am thinking thru my pre-cancer and cancer things..

i shd have gone for a 2nd advice when i got the pre-cancer cell thing...
i shd NOT have stuck with KKH...

frankly KKH speed really very slow..
have to wait wks n wks..
even though im under specialist.. not subsidized one..
still slow...

so regret didnt got to pte doc earlier..

so wana remind u guys to always seek 2nd advice..
and dun just blur blur trust govt hospital doc..

11/10/10 - better now

am at ah ma hse since sat..
so fast already mon.

ah ma hse toilet is squat type..
so its abit difficult for me to squat..
end up i use "tam pui" to urine..
haha!.. my butts so big... haha..

this "tam pui" is used by me when i was a toddler!
its a 30 yrs old antique!
ah ma really very thrifty wah...
so surprise she still keep it till now..

urine seems slightly easier now...
as long got urine in bladder..
i can urine out with lesser push..
happy!

also i stand/walk more at boon lay cos ah ma's kitchen view is very good n breezy..
so i'll stand there few mins to see ppl play basketball n enjoy the breeze..

ah ma hse also very windy...

jus now went boon lay shopping centre walk walk..
its a very old shop hses type of shopping..
yet i manage to walk 2 hrs..
practically comb every inch n every shop..
jus to see see look look n walk..

am so happy the toughest time is over...
still goto do mild chemo + radiotheraphy in the coming 6-7wks..
but i think it wont be as bad liao..

8/10/10 - went out myself today!

so happy i can:
-sleep sideways..
havent been lying sideways since ops.. abt 8wks... i've been jus lying flat at back...
but abit hard to breathe when lie sideway.. duno why..
-stand under shower..
scrub my body today.. cos sure alot dead skin..
-squat down..
-do abit hsework.. like washing plates..
room is messy.. cos dear dun pack room one..
will pack nxt wk when i back..

today went hg mall do pedicure..
toe nails is very long and alot dead skin...
didnt do colouring.. more of trimming nails n cuticles..

then stroll in the mall for 1hr...
happy.. though i walk slow..
cos my stomach wound is still havent fully recover yet..
so sometimes got prickly pain..

then dear fetch me home..
in evening, i went home downstairs small mall walk walk again..
stroll another 1 hr..
am stuck in jap store.. slowly scan the things from "head to toe"..
haha..

my botak head got alot of pimples..
duno is it due to chemo outbreak..

going ah ma hse tmr-wed..
dear gona send MIL to airport..
so i intend to go airport walk walk again..
haa...

6/10/10 - remove urine catheter.. lemon water is good

Today finally remove the irritating urine catheter..
duno why.. not exactly super happy..
guess cos worry cos need to use some force to urine out..
not fully naturally urine..
so worried how will be the impact..

jaga my urine output..
abit worried cos from 11am-3pm (after remove urine tube),
my urine output is v v little (50cc).. jus cant seem to squeeze  more urine out.
worried.. but maybe also cos i didnt drink alot water too..
finally at 4pm, after a nap, i urine 400cc!
tats a good amt..
so its cos i didnt drink enuf water..
phew phew phew...

am gona jaga my urine these 2 days..
then maybe tmr/ fri, go do pedicure..
cos feet alot dead skin..

havent been taking shower since discharge..
cos of the urine tube..
have been wiping body..
n washing below only...
lucky i dun really have smelly body..
so wipe still ok...
today can finally stand under the shower to take a good nice shower!

------------------------------------

am drink lime water today..
MIL fr squeeze concentrated Lime juice in a bottle for her..
i mix in water bottle...
am gona drink lemon/lime water daily..

u can also squeeze the lemon/lime juice n make it into ice cubes..
so u can jus mix into a cup of water everyday..
see below link for the benefits
Drinking Lemon Water is Good!

5/10/10 - making gd progress.. water..

tried self urine yesterday n today..
chemo effect slowly subside since yesterday..
appetite slowly come back..
mood also better..
chest will suddenly have burning sensation..
body suddenly v hot..
also my gum abit pain..
duno due to chemo or heaty or wisdom tooth...
brush at least 3 times a day...
chemo makes my mouth weird feeling..
like very thick..
tired but cant unable to fall sleep..
weird mind..

walking will aid my muslces ard bladder recover, so walked round n round abit at home..

yesterday self urine measuring result is good..
try again today..
seems gd too till now..
if everything ok at end of the day, tmr i can remove the urine tube!

acutally abit scared..
on 1 hand i wana remove urine tube fast..
this sat-wed, MIL go overseas..
i wish to go ah ma hse stay, so no need to eat outside food for 5 days x 2 meals.
not v gd for me while still under chemo effect..
so the WANT to remove tube is high..

mixed feeling..
although my measuring result is gd..
i do use abit/some force to push urine out...
n i set alarm to go urine every 1-1.5hr
i scared over-exert my bladder cos some "force" is used..

doc say i shd not face difficulty in urine..
but i duno force abit is it consider got difficulty..
i scared after remove tube i got problem..

but i analyse, after remove tube..
-i can walk more, which will help improve muscles ard bladder..
-i need to set alarm to remind myself to go urine every 2 hrs??
(but during normal times, i dun go urine every 2 hrs.. we only go when got sensation.. which means when bladder is full) so this is 1 problem im scared of.. now i fix a time to go urine.. i have wana urine feeling.. but duno accurate or not..
-wat if im sleeping? i realise my urine bag is super super full (ard 700-800cc) when wake up in morning..
does tat mean tat i need to set alarm to go urine in wee hrs? i think im gona do tat for a start..
-definitely can go out walk walk like normal ppl liao..

so i think i'll still go ahead to remove tube.. even though i need to use some force to remove tube..

------------------------------------------
went online n saw this..
things tat i didnt knew before..
take a look..
its gd for ur health..

importance of water..

-As soon as you wake up, drink one to four eight-ounce glasses of room-temperature or slightly heated water through a straw. If you drink water from a glass or a bottle, you consume mostly air and feel bloated from all the air in your stomach. When you drink through a straw, you consume 95 percent water. You can drink four times as much before you feel full.


-Add two teaspoons of freshly squeezed lemon or lime juice to your water three times a day: upon rising, mid-afternoon, and in your final water intake in the evening. The juice will help alkalize your body and neutralize acids created from digesting certain foods or normal cellular metabolism.


-One-half hour before each of your three meals drink one to two, eight-ounce glasses of water through a straw. If you do not have enough water in your stomach, digestion is impaired. Also, if the blood becomes too thick after eating because of lack of water, the blood will try to draw water from the cells. Water intake should precede food intake by half an hour. (Unfortunately, coffee, soft drinks, beer and regular tea do not count as daily water needs. Fruit and veggie juices do!)


-Never drink while you are eating. The liquid flushes through the stomach quickly into the small intestine. It will dilute and drain some of the digestive juices out of the stomach. This spells stress, as the body must secrete more digestive enzymes. If you continue to consume liquid while you eat, your body’s signals get confused. The stomach says, “Quick, there are no enzymes. Secrete more,” The body says, “What’s wrong? Just sent some!”


-Wait at least two hours after any meal, especially supper, to consume your last water of the evening. Fresh fruit juices or vegetable juices count as a glass of water, as do unsweetened herbal teas.

-Wherever you go, carry a full water container with a secure lid and a straw. Get into the habit of continually drinking from your container throughout the day to stay pre-hydrated. If you consume lots of water-rich fresh fruits and vegetables, they will easily provide you with two or three eight-ounce glasses

3/10/10

Duno why, this 2nd rd chemo effect seems longer.

today still feel heavy hearted, chest burning sensation, lethargic, no appetite, sleepy, moody, no strength to talk. Can't swallow water too. Like throat got something blocking.. Keep feeling nauseus..
No constipate though..

Neck n chest feels "blue-black' kinda pain when pressed lightly.

Yesterday suppose to try self urine, but before I even try, overflows again..
Wats new rite.. Super demoralised.
So feel like giving up everything!
Give up trying, give up living..

Cried in toilet feeling super helpless.
Hate why I need to live like tat..
(Chemo always cause my mood to b super low n dun feel like living anymore.. I keep telling dear I wana die.. Wish I can die, so gd can die n not suffer etc..)

I need to drink sufficient water so I can fill up bladder, so can try to self urine. The nauseus feeling n no appetite n heavy hearted feel, makes me unable to drink..

How to try urine like tat..
Also need to go toilet every 1-2hrs to try.. But chemo makes me tired, I keep sleeping.

No appetite to eat meals, but when lie down on bed, feels hungry..
When mum in law cook, the hse is filled with food smell.. Makes me nauseus too..
I hate to eat medicine!

Pls pls pls!!
I really wana stop all the torture!
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld from M1.

1/10/10 - 3rd day after chemo

Its tough..

Really need a lot courage to continue living.. Esp with a urine tube tat hinders all actions..

Heavy hearted..
Chest discomfort.. Like burning sensation.
No appetite again.
only got appetite for sweet things..
Like milo, cake etc..
Emo guess due to chemo..
Weight drop 1.5kg these 2 days.
Not so much constipation.

Very tired but can't deep sleep.
Lie on bed, suddenly will feel cold, suddenly feel hot.. Uncomfortable..

Pls let time pass fast!
Its been 1.5 mths since ops in 15/8.
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld from M1.

29-9-2010 - 2nd day 2nd session chemo

today is my 2nd day of 2nd session chemo..
hopefully this will be my last big chemo..

if my urine tube can be removed within 3 wks, then most likely i dun 3rd session chemo.
can go ahead with radio liao..
i really hope dun need to do 3rd session chemo..
been wearing wig these 2 days..
cos patches at back is super obvious when wear cap..

today i feel nauseus.. effect of wana vomit is abit more than 1st session.
but im not so weak like 1st session..
yesterday didnt sleep too much like 1st time..
yesterday only slept ard 1.5 hrs

today didnt sleep at all..
duno why.. unable to sleep..

afternoon mum-in-law fr came help me shave cleanly my 1cm hair..
cos patches v ugly.. also hair keep falling off..
im v sleepy thereafter..
went bed 3-5pm..
but duno why.. didnt deep sleep...

my hair 26/9/10.. mild hair fall

my hair 27/9/10... heavy hair fall

my hair 29/9/10.. after shave thoroughly

27/9/10- not so hopeful day

jus now went see doc..
i showed him the urine recording..
so disappointed..
cannot remove tube yet..

bladder only recover ard 40%..
still need to have the tube for some time..
im worried cos the tube seems to come out abit..
n its pulling my flesh.. cos the tube is sewed onto flesh to hold it..
frequently will have sudden prickly pain at sewed area..
i also cannot walk to fast or big step..
worried will pull the tube..
arggg...
if no tube, i can actually go out more..
-----------------------------------
am sad to sad more obvious patches on head...

this is yesterday.....

jus 1 day.. n see the big difference!
today i wore a cap, so u can see the "ring" at top of head...
below left side has more fallen hair...
maybe last nite i sleep with head face left ba...
sad...
------------------------
tmr and wed 2nd round chemo..
dont like..  :(

26/9/10- self urine & hair loss

yesterday i tried to self urine..
from 10am-5pm, every < 2hrs, i'll try go urine.
it was unsuccessful..
am discouraged..

at 5pm i go try again.. but stomach pain..
so end up pass motion..
as i use some force, some urine also come out...
i realise i think i need to use abit of strength to urine..

thereafter i tried again 2 times in evening..
n i successfully urine 250ml n 200ml..
there's also excess urine in the bag...
means i only urine out 40-50% of bladder

went online search regarding bladder..

finally found how bladder looks like..

my opening is at pelvic area..

i suspect the tube inside bladder is near to the "wall"..

tats why when i pump, got blood..

maybe "hurt" the wall of bladder...

anyway bladder can hold up to 1litre or 2 cups of water..

think my bladder can only hold max 700-800ml..

cos today overflow again..

i try self urine today..

most times successful with variation in volume..

but overflow 2 times, both more than 700ml..

now i know i can only drink max 500ml, then try self urine again..

drink 500ml, will urine ard tat vol too..

drink too little, gana block..

drink too much, gana overflow...

arghhh...

tmr go see doc..

i hope can remove tmr..
---------------------------------
alot of hair loss last 3 days...
pillow alot hair, seat alot hair..

feels weird n sad tat hair drop..
can see patches... :(

private area hair also drop..

i lightly pull my eyebrow.. will also fall off easily..

dare not pull eye lash oh..

22/9/10

morning went to see doc to chk regarding the dilute blood thing..
he say its ok...
phew..
now everything normal liao..
jus rashes super pain...

im also gona drink tons of water..
am gona avoid milo, tea etc tat'll "contaminate" my urine..
i hope this will reduce the particles in urine..
thus reduce the chances of getting blocked ba..

i pray hard by nxt wk can remove the irritating urine thingy...

today on my pillow, i saw few hairs falling off...
although i already shave bald..
somehow still not gd feeling to see hair falling.. :(

nxt tue/wed going 2nd shot of chemo..

Horrible nite

Now its 5am..
I'm awaken by my bladder n "the need to chk urine volume" to see is the tube flowing smoothly.

last nite I chk my urine bag.
It seems to stop increasing.
I suspect tube got stuck..

I'm getting super paranoid over the blockage thing.
I'm super irritated with it too!
I try to clear again!

I keep pumping n its hard cos halfway, there'll be air/vacumn inside the syringe.
I'm afraid pumping vacumn/air into bladder!

Then I saw some diluted blood stream from bladder!
I'm shock n scared!
I'm scared tat I pump too hard n squeeze out blood from bladder!

Cried cos worried!
Mood terribly bad cos I blame myself why I need to go thru these torture!
Why me! Why can't the urine jus flow properly! Why add on 1 more problem for me! N almost everyday stuck!

After dear change dressing for me, I realise I got abit of rashes at the area where I tape the dressing. The rashes is very painful!
Ahhhhh!!!! Already pain! Now 1 more area of pain!
"Let me die la!"
Can't control my horrible low mood!

Now the blood no more liao..
Urine colour back to normal.
I hope I didn't hurt my bladder n hinder the recovery.
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld from M1.

hair loss?

i pull my hair lightly..
got 1 hair come out..

everytime i pull lightly, 1 or 2 hairs come out..
also its at certain area only..

maybe the hair loss effect is coming soon...
:(
-------------------------------
today morning, tube got stuck!
use my 2nd syringe..

afternoon.. stuck again!
no more syringe..
jus nice dear need to bring my urine sample to doc for testing of infection..
so he bought 4 more syringe..

super kiasu la..
anytime will stuck one..
so i pump blockage in car...

now i super expert at plumbing liao...

i didnt even know that our urine contain particles leh...
when we urine, we wont feel it hor.. thot its only water...

21/9/10 - baby, baby not?

was reading a fr's blog..
realise tat she just remove her 20+ wks foetus..
this is her 3rd unsuccessful pregnancy.
she's in pain.. cos she likes/wants kids alot..

dear sis, if u r reading my blog,
u have to be strong n be positive!
i face the worse situation of all..
i cannot be pregnant at all now..
i wont be able to have my own baby
(unless test-tube + surrogate in other's womb = Not confirm have baby, + need alot alot of $$)

As I'll be facing the same problems too..
n its a forever problem...
i wld express my thots abt the issues..

she mention
1) she feels out of place when gathering w frs who have kids..

My thots:
-Real frs will not say/do things tat'll hurt ur pride.. i'll let them know of my situation if they do not know beforehand. OR at least some of them will know my situation.. so that they'll be more cautious when it comes to baby issues...
-Inevitably, mummys n mummys will definitely say/discuss things abt baby/child edu etc.. so some high EQ frs who know abt my situation can try to change topic etc... (so frs.. take note k.. haha)
-But sometimes also hard to control the topic, so most importantly, i have to "tell my mind" tat dun be bothered/feel pai say/feel inferior cos i do not have kid..
-OR i'll jus tell them politely/jokingly "can we chat other things ah :)"..
having kids also very headache one..
-but i think it'll also be interesting to hear some baby topics as a general knowledge..
SEE.. all depends on how i control my mind n mood...

2) duno how to handle when relatives keep asking "when u'll have kids", "married so long, no kids" etc..
so mite as well dun go CNY gathering etc..

My thots:
-distant relatives who duno my situation will always ask such qns.. it is not their fault.. its jus human std qns..
-i'll Either tell them the truth (if i they r close enuf..)
OR I'll "play"/mixed up/logical-lize their mind..
-i'll say things like "aiyo i prefer 二人世界", "got kids very 麻烦", "wah kids nowadays very hard to teach", "having kids need alot $$ now hor", "got kids dont guarantee they fillial", "trying hard now leh.. but dun have, very sad leh" etc..
then relatives will agree one.. human mind thing ba.. then thet'll say kids problem..
-if i say very sad dun have, they'll empathize instead.. (at least from the front.. maybe at back will say bad things.. but i duno n dun care lor)
-reason to shun the qns i guess the purpose is to maybe "save"/protect parents-in-law's face.. cos duno how in laws will feel/react when their relatives ask.. or duno in law wana let them know or not.. my own relatives all know liao.. my in-laws side only a few know ba..

3) avoid attending baby showers

My thots:
-ppl standard sure ask too..
-same ans as (2)
-or stay awhile then leave...
-if fr is close, then i'll jus b happy for her la.. with abit if envy..
all depends on how i control my mind n mood again..


so sis, u must must must rem
-u still got chance to get pregnant one..
even the slightest %, u can still get pregnant..
i cant at all..

-u can try test-tube baby..
n be put inside ur own womb!

-u have supportive husband who didnt forsake u

-the positive side of not having a kid is u dun have to face future kids problems!
(education problem, worried juvenile delinquent, will they be fillial in future)

-for me, i'll never get menstration problem.. haha..

pls dont let ur emotion spiral down...
have a BIG BIG CRY out..
then stand up n be strong!
Hugssss...

and frs who had unsuccessful pregnancies...
PLS rem u r not in the worse situation k..

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i can adopt kids..
i can be god-ma to my frs' kids..
i can be super close to my bro's kids in future...
(jus like im closer to my gu gu than parents.)

Importants notes for everyone

a fr shared her experience and wish tat i can share w u gals too...
Do take some time to read and seriously look into the matter..
thx YM for sharing..
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1) Vaccination - Cervical Cancer, unlike all other cancers, is the only one against which women can be vaccinated. The vaccination is not expensive ($600) and easily available, even though it is not full proof, it reduces risks. Anyone who is young, sexually active & can afford it should seriously find out more.

2) Pap Smear is not enough - women think that if the results are normal, they'll be fine. But Pap smears only provide a doctor with information on the cervix. A Transvaginal Ultrasound is what will give a Gynae a clear picture of whether the patient has Uterine Cancer, Ovarian Cancer, or any other abnormal activity.

3) Diet - Most of the life stock that we consume daily come from animal farms. Poultry such as chickens, are fed antibiotics and growth hormones from the day that they are hatched. Their bodies grow so big so fast that they can barely walk and in human terms, they are like 10yr olds in size but with 3yr old hearts and legs that won't support them into old age. Yet it doesn't matter because once they hit puberty, they are culled anyway. Therefore no one knows the long term effects of these antibiotics and growth hormones on the chickens, but we are consuming them anyway.
The bottom line is Eat Organic Meat if you can afford it (for vegetables it doesn't matter that much if you wash off the pesticides properly).


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my chemo doc tell me if can..
dont ever eat instant noodle in future.. forever.. esp the powder...
sob... i love instant noodle...
also i need to adjust my future diet..
more vege n super cut down deep fried..
if can also dun eat fast food...
sob.. mac n kfc my fav!

19/9/10- weird bladder

today suppose to try self urine..
bladder very weird, today totally cant urine at all..
tried 5 times liao..

why 2 days ago can n now cant?

i thot its recovering?

18/9/10

yest doc koh ask me to learn how to clear the blockage..
and it really comes in handy!

last nite from 11pm-3am, i notice the urine in bag is very little.
now im getting really paranoid whether the urine is flowing properly.
keep chking the urine bag..

ard 3am, my bladder really cannot tahan..
my bladder wake me up!
i think is gd news hor..
means bladder senses is recovering well..

anyway, i went toilet to do the clearing..
its rather fun to pump the syringe..
see the urine being pushed n pulled n seeing all residue cleared.
i pump more than 10 times..
i suspect tat time doc n yesterday nurse didnt pump thoroughly.
they pump 2-3 times and see tat got urine flow then stop..

i kiasu so keep pumping to ensure no stucked residue.
today also keep observing the urine bag... so far so gd..
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my hair haven fall...
i too kiasu to shave it la..
now its growing instead..
haha..
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later da gu n 2 gu buying me dinner..
then they gona bring me out walk walk.
parents in law out for wedding dinner..
dear out to work till late..
so just nice i got entertainment...